I need wisdom!! My sons first birthday is coming up in October. He’s my first child and the first grandson on both sides.

I have 2 main problems I’m not sure what to do with.

1. my in laws. My husbands side of the family has for years gone to all of the cousins birthdays and the cousins kids birthdays. I think it’s a little excessive, but it’s kind of fun that they know each other so well. I’m not a huge fan of the cousins kids as many are badly behaved, but I am envious of the close relationship he has with his cousins. My M & FIL live just 10 minutes from us. We have asked my FIL to not see us because of a recent and heavy involvement in illegal drugs. He’s been respectful and kept his distance but it means that now we don’t get even an invite to all of the cousin parties or anything on that side of the family because if he’s at a family function we won’t be. The side problem to that is that as punishment and to try and get us to come around, my husbands maternal grandparents (his paternal grandparents are both passed) won’t see us. My MIL has been to see us all of 5 times since the baby was born. (I don’t think this would be any different if we were on speaking terms with the FIL - she always has an excuse and never went out of her way before the baby was here to see us or talk to us) We won’t go to her house because the drugs were in their home and we don’t feel comfortable taking our baby there, but We have made it very clear she is welcome in our home, she has our numbers, but she also doesn’t text or ask about him. EVER.

So I’m wondering do we even invite her? Or my husbands siblings? Their relationship is decent but distant, they group chat frequently and call occasionally but they’re all busy living their own lives. We see one of his siblings fairly regularly pre-COVID but the others haven’t come around much since the baby.

Problem 2. I am not a great party hostess. I love planning and the details but when it comes to the actual entertainment I would rather be behind the scenes! As a kid I preferred family dinner over a party with friends and now as an adult that’s all my family does, just a chill dinner with my siblings and our parents and the nieces. I don’t want to throw a big shindig, but I want my little guy to have a party! I want him to have the decorations and the balloons, and a cake, but I feel silly doing all that if it’s just my family. Any ideas how to balance both?

How do I make this a celebration without looking and feeling silly and do we put our differences aside and invite the in-laws? Or avoid the drama all together and just have a dinner with my family and the aunts and uncles he knows well?