My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and 6 months already. We’re both 20 so we’re still young!

I think I’m stressing more than I should but sometimes I stress that we don’t have our future figured out and I don’t want to wait too long and it turns out it was all for nothing? I see all the time people on here comment “if you’re not making plans for a future together” or “if you’re not sure about the future” you’re wasting time.

And I wonder if I am? I’m still in college I’m working to transfer to a UC, definitely not financially stable to start a family or move out completely. and he works full time and is working in going back to college. So neither of us has our own future set either.

We talk about marriage and having a family, kids and owning a home.

But I sometimes stress cause I feel like we don’t include one another in each other’s future plans? We want all these things but for example he really wants to help his family buy a home, and he’s mentioned us living in said home. I don’t want to live with his family. They’re really nice people but I want my own space. I want us to have our own space.

Its like these sort of plans or sort of talk that make me question how well eventually ever get started in our future when he seems to have such different plans for himself and his family?

He is very attached to them and he helps a lot financially. They put a lot of pressure on him to provide and work towards getting them a home. He’s happy to do it but I wish he’d see that They’re grown people, he is still young and yet he works crazy hours to provide for them and help. I just wish he was more Independent from them.

I see how hardworking he is and how family oriented , how much he wants in life and how he is willing to do for it, but I feel stuck. I see how much his attachment to his family influences his future and sometimes see more room for me in it .

We talked once and it seemed the only way I’d be included is to compromise what I want. I don’t want to live with them (his sister offered us a room in her house) or constantly feel like what they want will be put before us.

I brought this up to him and he said he wants us to build a future together but he wants to make something of himself first and buy a home for his family. And then we would get started on our future.

It sounds like a good plan because it’d also give me the space and time to get through school focus on that and starting my career.

Sooo... does it seem like I’m wasting my time or should I be patient? It just feels like we’re behind or I don’t know... not as United as we should be and are still taking things slow?