How to leave a cheating and abusive marriage

I need advice 😭 please don’t say “just get up and leave”... it’s not as easy as that. I need advice on what to do without losing me out.


15 years ago, I got married to my husband when he had absolutely nothing. I stood by him and chose him when my parents told me that If I marry him, they were disowning me. My parents thought my husband was bad influence to me and they thought that he contributed towards my stupid decision to drop out of school. I married my husband.

My husband made us move away to a different state after marriage and he made me change my phone number... he said that he wanted us to start “afresh”. I lost contact with my parents, siblings and my friends. At that time I did not care because I was married to the love of my life and I thought that he was all that I needed.


I worked two jobs to support my husband and I because my husband was in university studying medicine and we wanted him to focus on his studies without distractions. Shortly after our wedding, we had our first child and I still worked all through the pregnancy.

My husband and I were so inlove with each other and our daughter was a perfect addition to our family.


I did everything for my husband. I went into debt to help him towards his university fees. Eventually my husband became qualified, started working and was earning well. This was when everything began, but I was to blind to see it.

My husband made sure that I stopped working and I become a stay at home mum. I loved it! I got carried away with all the shopping I was doing and basically just “living life” while looking after our daughter. During one of my outings, I made a new friend and we became very close. My husband didn’t like this and he asked me to stop being friends with her because she is a single mother and that a “responsible married woman should not be friends with a single mother”. I was honestly blind in love that I didn’t see all the signs. My husband refused the idea of joint account so all his income went into his own bank account, which I was allowed to spend from but I have to get permission from him first. This is still the same until now.


My husband controlled everything. He controlled me, he controlled our finance. Everything.

I thought it was love and that it was normal in every marriage. I got pregnant again with our twins.


Ok I’ll fast forward, but you get where I’m coming from with the brief background story.

My husband has never physically abused me, but he emotionally abuses me all the time and he is always cheating on me. It has now gotten to the point where I am fed up and I just want to leave, but how do I leave when I centred my whole world around this man? Where would I start from? I invested so much into this man and marriage that I fear that I will be walking out with nothing. I really don’t know what to do.