i feel like i’m stuck. my husband is verbally and emotionally abusive. i love him and currently pregnant with our second son. i want to report him so bad but he says he’ll get kicked out of the military and then we won’t have any way to support our kids. my son isn’t even 2 yet so he’s not in school for me to be able to get a job to help support my family. we live on base and i’m sure my neighbors hear me cry at least once a week. i am to blame for how he feels, how he acts, etc. i have been in a toxic relationship before so i know the flags and signs and i don’t know why being married and kids makes it so much harder to leave 😞 he choked me out almost a month ago, twice on the same night and it’s the first time he’s put his hands on me but i’ve found myself begging him to not hurt me when i feel like he’s upset. this isn’t good for me or my kids, and i know that... i’m just so lost at how i won’t be able to support my babies if and when we’re able to leave. i don’t deserve this and i’m so ready for change. i don’t want to have to get the police involved. i’ve wanted to call them plenty times before but my husband knows i’ll probably get in more trouble by saying that i smoke weed. i’m stuck in a vicious cycle and i don’t know how to break it.

he says he only wants me to do three things. ever and only. 1- cook. 2- clean. 3- take care of kids. i don’t mind doing any of these things, but when every single object in the house is my sole responsibility to pick up and put away or clean, it gets so overwhelming. my dad helps my mom??? my dad picks up after her all the time and is he annoyed by it? probably but he doesn’t degrade her and call her a stupid fucking bitch and tell her to “shut the fuck up stop talking” he changes his banking password so i can’t see the account because i’m “trying to control him” but “he makes the money and he’s the man of the house so i have to listen to what he says” the other week he asked me if he should start taking pictures and sending them to my non so she can “see how good of a housewife she fucking raised”

i know i’m strong, why am i so weak when it comes to this? why do i still love him so much even though i know my worth. what is wrong with me. i just need some guidance, advice, anything. i try to voice record, video tape, take pictures for “evidence” if i need it. idk what i’m doing anymore 😣