I'm supposed to have af tomorrow and decided to test today.  Bfn, no surprise as we have been ttc #2 for 16 months now.  I have got to the point where I just go with whatever my crazy brain/heart want to do.  Which means testing if I feel like it and if I don't then don't.  I track my bbt daily and watch my fertile window.  This month marks twice the time it took with our first.  I feel like every month is a really dull blow now.  I never thought I would be crying every month I see af.  Then I realize that there are so many women than have been trying for much longer than I have and those women are so much stronger than I feel I could ever be.  I look to those women who have tried for 2 years, 5 years or even longer and wonder how they do it.  Then out of nowhere some of them get their bpf's!  I feel bad for saying this but I am so tired and sometimes get upset when my friends who didn't have to try this long or who didn't have to try at all, tell me to "just stop trying and it will happen."   I understand it and have had tears ran and it is honestly timing in my situation.  It's just a really depressing feeling to wait and have really no control over it.  So here is to waiting for af tomorrow and on to month #17.  Thanks for letting me just vent, it is appreciated😌