I feel like since young I have everything so I shouldn’t be complaining about anything right?

I have a complete family, roof under my head, food to eat everyday, physically I have everything but why couldn’t I be happy like I should be? Growing up my physical needs are always well taken care of really but mentally I don’t know I have nobody I guess, I used to be a cheerful kid, but fat shaming and just overall my inability to fit in and being sexually assaulted at 6 made me so weird? Or something I don’t know...I just feel like I have nobody that would ever listen to me. I would use to confide with my mom how I feel and she would just say I feel anxious because I’m lazy, and I’m really at a place where I’m not doing well at all mentally but I had never gotten help for it for years. Now what’s worst is the relationship issues I have with my husband, like I don’t know if my relationship is toxic or not, for example,

1) I can’t cry in front of him because it annoys him

2) I can’t tell him my feelings because he would get annoyed or angry too

3) I can’t resolve any issues with him because every time we had conflicts he would say I am stubborn and just not want to listen to my explanations

4) now he thinks I am weird, a trait of mine he used to love

5) I am not allowed to be sad and not allowed to tell him negative things he will get angry if I pour my heart out to him.

6) he would be angry if I do things that are not ‘right’ according to him (for example washing my body twice, turning the air fryer timer longer than intended use and many more)

7) does not acknowledge when I say ‘I feel more comfortable doing it this way’ because I did not do things according to his right way. And he would say I am defensive.

I used to be able to speak up for myself but i lost that ability ever since I got together with him, I just lost it, 7 years and a baby later he hate me for being me and now what..I’m lost I have nobody. He is all I have and I don’t want to leave because 7 years together and this is him from the beginning and I feel like nobody will ever love me other than him that’s why I stayed for 7 years even though he wasn’t there for me for 4 years and even after having his child only until a year ago then he started to get more involved with our family, I honestly wish I’m used to it but I felt that he used to love me but not anymore.

Sorry it is confusing I just need to spill this here because I can’t think properly and I don’t know I feel like I’m going crazy