Well.. I'm in rough situation and I just want different perspectives on what I should do. I'm currently in a brake with my boyfriend and it hurts a lot. Especially since he is my first boyfriend. This is a really complicated relationship and I'll try go in chronological order.

Me and my boyfriend have been knowing each other since 2nd grade. We started talking because of my best friend (she is now my ex best friend) in 5 grade since then we have been best friends. After a few years he asked me out. I said yes after 3 hours of "interrogating" him. After 2 weeks of us dating, he cheated on me with my friend. The story is he was high and she kissed him. Tbh Idk what happened but it affects me a lot. I decided to give him another chance. The next 6 months were great. We were really close and I trusted him a lot. This is when he moved to his mother's house and it became a long distance relationship. But my mom hated him. Every time he came to visit me she gave him dirty stares and rude comments. But whenever I needed someone to cry to he came. He even came at 1 in the morning just to make sure I was okay. Around the 8 month we had our first break and that completely destroyed me. I was a complete mess and apparently so was he since he begged me to take him back. And I did. But since then I distant myself from him. I stopped trusting him and stopped being fully honest with him. This is when his mother took his phone away and we hardly talked. As time went on we both became very distant and even started lying to each other. But we tried to fix it by seeing each other more and he use to go places with wifi so he could talk to me. Now I honestly feel like we're just too different. I really want to stay with him and he claims he does too but I don't know how to bring back what we had anymore. We have been dating for a year and 4 months now and I don't want to throw that away. I especially don't want to regret my decision. Since he's the only person I feel really safe and protected with. And honestly, I feel like he's the only one who really loves me but I also think we have are whole lives to live and what if I'm ignoring someone right for me just for him. I don't know what to do.. Can you please comment and what you would do? Or just plain advice.