Long post‼️‼️

Yes he finally said what was bugging him for all this time.

Yes, my arms are thicker

Yes, I have more fat than I used to have and yes, my love handles are bigger than ever. But this was the body that carried our child. That made a safe and comfortable space for him to sleep and grow in for 9 months. That helped me deliver a baby naturally into the world.

I work 6 times a week 4/6/8 hours a time. Whenever I'm not working I am with my son. If he can't be here bc he is super busy at home studying that thats him. He is currently in his last year and will get his bachelors degree in a few months. But I took a gap year and dont wanna miss out on anything that my baby does.

My day is pretty much the same now as it consists of sleeping around 12pm and waking up at 6 or 7 to feed a hungry baby (not being able to sleep anymore afterwards) to go to work, come home tired, to care for a baby, to sleep late, wake up early to feed a hungry baby to not being able to sleep anymore and then going back to work. Waking up and doing it every day.

Not gonna lie I feel tired. He isn't here so we can take turns to feed him. So I wake up tired and go on about my day.. tired!

At around 7 pm I wanna go to bed but there's more stuff to do before I can even go to sleep. I don't even have the energy to do anything. Yes, I wanna be the girl that can wake up at 5 am, go for a run a drink a fresh smoothie but circumstances makes that impossible.

Trying to work a lot to save up enough for uni next year $1400 tuition fee and $800 books and earning $5,69 per hour as a cashier. But at the same time trying to have enough hours a day to spend with my child. It's hard and I stress a lot bc I'm afraid he's spending too much time at my grandmas or my mother while I'm working and also stressing that I am not working enough to be able to save money every month for baby, saving up for school and having some $ to spend on myself after all the hard work.

Me and my bf rarely see each other due to lack of time and haven't gone out bc of lack of money but most importantly bc of covid.

So moral of the story is that anytime I'm not working I spend the time on my son, and my bf is physically not attracted to me and says I'm not doing anything to change it.

I DONT WANT TO SPEND TIME NOR MONEY IN THE GYM!!!! I save money for school and time for my child. He says that he understands that but that his mentality won't change. He says it was what brought us together, and he's right. But physical attraction wasn't what kept us together. It was our love for eachother😔

Unfortunately he thinks that I should change my appearance for him and although I'm not as slim as I used to be, I'm not as bad as he makes it sounds either.

I feel hurt rn to know how he thinks of me and I'm not even sure where we stand rn.

Here's a picture of me and one of my baby🥺