Depression

Idk what I have to do to feel better. I've been through alot in this relationship. I want to run so bad from this my mental health is bad (thinking of ending my life everyday). I want a divorce. But it will kill me not having him around anymore. Im not strong enough to be alone. I know there is nothing wrong with being alone. But im not strong enough to get through a divorce I know that I am not. Idk if im just feeling like running because my depression is bad. Idk if its because of this marriage. Idk whats wrong. I need therapy. But im scared it wont help me in the way that i need it to help me. Idk if im having withdraw symptoms because i stopped taking my antidepressant. Im just so tired of waking up to a new day, it scares me. Im scared of myself and my thoughts. I need help