Please no negative comments, I don’t even know how I feel about this situation and just need some outside opinions..

Sorry this is kind of long.

My boyfriend since the beginning of our relationship (going on 3 years) has always told me he doesn’t like watching porn when in a relationship as he finds it disrespectful and would be heartbroken if he ever found me watching porn. I completely agreed, yes watching porn is a very normal but everyone has their own feelings about it and I wanted to respect his, besides why would I need it if I am completely satisfied by him right? For the record, I am 21 and he is 22. We just had a baby 12 weeks ago and his sex drive has always been higher than mine, but especially now more than ever, to the point I have even tried telling him to just satisfy himself because I couldn’t keep up with how often he wanted it. I’ve told him to do that multiple times, and always get the same response. “I couldn’t do that, I wouldn’t feel right doing that, besides I wouldn’t be able to get off without you..” He has ALWAYS been adamant on the fact he wouldn’t want to do it himself, and CONSTANTLY is telling me that he hopes I’m not doing that either. So of course I never have even when I really want to, because I would feel guilty and couldn’t break his trust like that.

Well tonight, I was on his phone (it’s actually one of my old phones that I gave him that only works when plugged in and he only uses for games, he mostly uses my cellphone when going out etc..) and I went to use the internet browser on it because he had my phone and guess what I find? ALOT of porn. Always from when I’m at my moms house or at appointments for our daughter. Searching things like “beautiful sexy women” when he knows how horrible I’ve felt about myself since giving birth. But honestly I wasn’t even that upset about the fact he was watching it, because honestly what guy doesn’t? But the fact that he kept telling me for years that he could never do that and would never want me doing that myself..

And to make things worse, I’m sitting there with his phone in my hand and he comes in the room, so I calmly say “can I ask you something?” Him-“what?” Me-“Have you been watching porn lately?” And he straight up lied to my face! “No of course not, I would never” Me-“okay but if you’re going to lie about it you should probably delete your history” and he STILL kept trying to lie about it even though I was reading it clear as day. Took about 5 minutes before he finally admitted it then he ripped the phone out of my hand and deleted the history. He first said it’s only been since we’ve had the baby and haven’t been having sex as much, but after talking for a few minutes he admitted he’d been doing it our whole relationship. I don’t even care about the porn, I care about the fact he lied to me over and over again for years...he wouldn’t even let me watch shows with nudity in it because he thought it was disrespectful to him, meanwhile he’s been doing that behind my back for years? I’m angry, and confused and honestly just don’t really know how I should be feeling or how I should approach this..We’ve just been sitting in silence now for over an hour and I feel like I’m going crazy..any advice on how I should handle this would be appreciated..