Having a EXTREMELY rough time 🤦🏽‍♀️

Hello!!

This is beyond hard for me to write but I can’t really speak to anyone else because I putting on the best front of my life and I’m not okay.

My fiancé and myself have been trying to conceive for a long while now, As of April 2020 we found out that we were expecting!! We were so excited... I instantly start planning and I was just overjoyed.

Went to my first appt and I was a little too early to see anything, so I found out super early I guess. Had an ultrasound appointment two weeks later... but a week later I started bleeding which I was like “oh fuck!” Got extremely scared and went to the emergency room to find out I was 6 weeks pregnant.... I’m like “alright whittle one!” So I started being EXTRA careful!!

Fast forward to my follow up... I was prescribed some meds for a Bacterial issues. And fast forward to June 2,2020 @ 12pm my ultrasound appointment I was told told that I had miscarried ! My whole world stopped!! And next thing I know I agreeing to getting tested for COVID-19 so I can get a a D&C!!!!!

June 8,2020 I had my D&C and not too long I had to go back to work and guess where I work .... PEDIATRCS! they asked what my triggers were and what I was uncomfortable with doing... and I explained I wanted nothing to do with pregnant women and newborn-9mo babies... they only respected that for a month! And then pulled me in the office saying it was a performance issue... bringing me to forcing myself happy!!

I’m silently hurting and I’m not okay!! I’m hurting!! I haven’t had a chance to mourn and take it all in.... I just needed to vent out loud and find support.. sorry for rambling