So ive been with my boyfriend for 10 months now and the sex is good, but i need to improve

I wanna know how you ladies initiate, my boyfriend goes on about how i never initiate and its because im too scared too, so he always does it, so how do i do it?

He likes it when i suck his dick but i dont have the confidence to look him in the eyes when i suck his dick, he asks me too but it makes me too nervous

I kinda feel bad, feel a bit lazy in the bedroom, we are rough with things and participate in bdsm often so half of the time my head is in the pillow and i get fucked, but he makes comments about me being a sack of potatos in bed, i try my best on top and i did have a good rhythm going but now i just cant do it right, it doesnt feel good for me and its sooo awkward because hes not much of a moaner but because i cant go very quick and cant get a good rhythm i feel really awkward. And it kinda hurts when he says im a sack of potatos in bed, i lost my virginity to him and he has had experience so i feel pressured already to know everything, but i dont really know whay more i can do, i cant exactly do much with him in control... so i need some tips..

So can you ladies help and give some tips on some of the stuff im struggling witn?