He told me about the baby..a day before the shower. Should I message the girl?

Question

Me and my kid's father have been on and off for about 5 years. Earlier this year he recently expressed to me that he would like to work on us. Still very hesitant, i didnt stop doing me. A little dating here and there but nothing too serious. He would go ghost for weeks at a time and then randomly pop up again. I never thought anything of it because we weren’t"exclusive" anymore but we were still a family working to get us back.
Well a few weeks ago.. he dropped a bomb on me. The girl he has been messing with is now pregnant. At get this... the baby shower was literally the next day. I am devastated. You have been fuking and sucking me unprotected as well as her obviously. You never wanted your family back and you played me like a fool! peep this... the girl knows Nothing about me. Should i message her? Let her know we are both getting played...or just walk away. He is still telling me he wants his family. But HOW? How would that even work?

Answer

I’d want to know if it were me. But I’d let her enjoy her baby shower first before dropping a bomb like that.

Answer

Having a hard time with this one. Message her so she knows he’s not devoted to her, yes. Message her as “we both got played,” no, because you didn’t get played. You said you were not together and you were dating, so why wouldn’t he be? If him sleeping with someone is a sign he didn’t want your family I would think you dating (and possibly sleeping with??) others meant you didn’t want it either. If he wasn’t protected with you, why would you assume he would be with someone else? That being said too, there is ALWAYS a chance of pregnancy even with protection so if either of you were having sex outside of with each other there is a chance. You are just as responsible for protecting yourself and chose to have unprotected sex with him. 
This certainly sounds like a messy situation and it seems like you need to have a serious conversation about his intentions with both of you and need to do some serious introspection about what you want. At the end of the day though, this woman is going to be in his life if they share a kid just like you will be in his.

Answer

You were dating other people, so why is it a surprise that he was also dating other people? You weren’t working on your family when you’re both dating others and going weeks without talking. You were both using each other for sex. Be co-parents and stop sleeping together. Let him live his life and be a parent to your child’s half sibling.

Answer

If I was in the situation and I was her I would want to know. Especially if they are together and he’s messing around on both of you and she’s about to have a child with him. That’s too much stress and I would rather no sooner than later. Also if I was in your position I would tell somebody￼￼￼

Answer

I am not sure what makes you angry here. You guys are not a family. Both of you guys were looking around. You knew he was. Did you guys have a deal that he can have sex with others but not a child? Honestly, neither of you had any intention to make a family with each other. I will be a single mom for rest of my life than to have someone like him around my child. You said you knew you are not exclusive but you clearly expected/expecting exclusivity for being his child’s mother. If you care at all about your own children then walk away with the remaining self respect. At this point it’s really not about the well-being of the other woman. It’s about your anger and your feeling of betrayal and possibly seeking revenge. So may be wait until she gives birth and then tell her. Nothing will change betting and then.

Answer

Erm ma'am the only person who got played here is YOU. U wasted 5 years on a BOY who didn't even claim you but made u a mother instead.. u saying u doing u but deep down I think u are feeling raged that he actually wasn't waiting on u. Be a grown woman let that woman be (stop stalking her on social media platforms "if u are") just co parent with a little dignity for yourself.

Answer

Although she doesn't know about you, are you sure she thinks they're exclusive? I would consider that before telling her. You really should think about what your intentions are here. Do you want to help her or hurt him? This could be extremely stressful to her and cause legitimate medical problems. I would lean more towards telling her iut of safety for her and the baby in case he is bringing any STDs home. Good luck.

Answer

Ask yourself why you’re messaging her - to get revenge on him for playing you, or bc you genuinely want her to have all the information? If it were me, I’d want to know. But you gotta get your head in the right place first and make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons. You don’t want him to be able to play it off at all as “baby mama drama” or you just making things up bc you’re jealous, etc. 
As for you, while it completely sucks being played, as you said you weren’t exclusive. And if he were ghosting you here and there I don’t think it should have come as any shock that he was seeing someone else or could have been, as people who are 100% committed and in this don’t ghost the people they care about.

Answer

Tell her but wait until after the baby shower don't ruin her day because he is playing both sides it's not her fault.

Answer

Id tell her.

He told me about the baby..a day before the shower. Should I message the girl?

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