Unexpected Joy - Unexpected Loss

We were not planning to be pregnant but when we found out we were expecting we were elated. I had only missed my period by two days, but decided to take the test for my own peace of mind. I could not believe it when it turned positive, and took a second one just to be sure. When the second one showed positive my heart swelled with so much excitement and joy! We were parents!

We read the articles that explained why most couples wait to tell people, but we chose to reject that advice. We wanted to celebrate the life that is, even if it was lost later. My SIL had just had a miscarriage two weeks before so the fact that we could lose the baby was very present in our minds even though we assumed it wouldn't happen to us. This baby was God's gift to us. We told our families, and my husband's family was so excited for their first grandchild! They sent us a box of baby toys and keepsakes from when he was a baby. We told our very closest friends, and got some incredible advice. We downloaded the apps and tracked the growth progress together. Our neighbors dragged the news out of us when I didn't drink at the neighborhood BBQ. We were excited and celebrated fully. This baby meant so much to us and shaped our whole world.

We got an ultrasound at 7 weeks and it was incredible to see our baby and be sent home with a picture.

A week later I started spotting. We were in the middle of a stressful week, so I didn't really have the chance to mentally process what the blood could mean. For three days I had dark spotting, and on the fourth, just as I left work, I started cramping terribly. My husband had an Ultimate Frisbee game, and even though I was in a lot of pain, I didn't want to sit home alone so I went to watch him play. Half way through the game, I started bleeding for real, and I knew our baby was gone. I sat quietly waiting for the game to end and trying so hard to keep it together while we were in public. As we walked off the field together, I told him what I knew, and we switched into a survival mode.

I didn't have the supplies we needed at home, so he dropped me off and went to the store to get pads, while I called the nurse. Because it was quite late it took a long time for her to call me back. My husband came home with pads and chocolate. By then I was really gushing blood and passing clots. The nurse was not very helpful, and said we should wait it out and make an appointment in the morning. With nothing else to do, we went to bed around 11:00.

I woke up an hour later in a cold sweat and knew I was not okay. I woke my husband and told him we needed to go to the ER. As I went to get a drink of water, I fainted and my husband had to help me get up.

At the ER I received three IV's over the course of my stay. They did an ultrasound, and after what felt like forever, they decided I needed an emergency D&C because Iwas hemorrhaging. The members of the surgical team were the first people in the hospital to offer us any sympathy and it nearly broke me. I don't remember anything of the procedure, just being returned to recovery.

After we got home and had to begin telling people, we lost our baby, I understood why the articles said couples wait until after 12 weeks. Telling people and reliving our nightmare with each conversation was probably one of the hardest thing I've done. And yes, so many times people say things that are less than helpful, even with the best of intentions, but in telling people, we also had their support.

A couple from our church told us they wanted to bring us dinner and asked if we liked Chick-fil-A. Another couple called and prayed with us and then asked if they could bring us a meal. Over the next few weeks and months as we mourned our loss, cards from our families (who are all in different states) trickled in. Two SIL sent us artwork they had made and my dad wrote us a poem. My best friend and my sister got me a necklace with the birth month flower of our baby. And I made a photo album with the pictures we took and the ultrasound, because as much as it is heartbreaking, I never want to forget a minute of it; the joy and celebration, and even the sorrow and loss.

As I look back on the things we did, I have absolutely no regrets. While we had our baby we fully celebrated that life. We were not alone in our celebration or later in our suffering. As heartbreaking as it is, I cannot imagine how much worse it would be to go through it without the support of our people.