This post is something I’ve been dying to say to someone but I’m nervous to trust anyone.

I’ve been in a relationship for 4 years now and I’ve been done dirty by him the entire time. He’s never cheated (that I know of) but he’s constantly lied to me about big and little things and manipulates every situation.

I’ve been so insanely patient with him but recently I feel like I’m not all there, like I’m not mentally in the relationship anymore. I’ve been hurt so many times by him but it’s hard to leave because I think about all the good times and how much I still love him.

He’s suicidal and constantly drinks to the point of blacking out and then calls me to ask where I am and that I’m never there when he needs me. I’m worried if I leave him he’ll become worse and try to commit. I don’t want him to feel like the end of our relationship was his fault (even though it was) I just want to leave gracefully and move on.

I havent been sexually interested in him since our 1 year anniversary, I thought it might’ve just been my birth control I started taking. I stopped the birth control because it was hurting our sex life but it turns out I’m still not sexually attracted to him.

I’m not sure how to go about ending the relationship since we’ve been a big part of each others lives and families. I feel like if I leave him, I’ll lose everything. Any advice? Thanks in advance.❤️