Am I wrong for not saving his number ?

Hi I’m looking for some advice. So years ago when I was 18/19 it always seemed everytime I liked a man and was very excited about him I would save his number and mysteriously something bad would always happen after I saved the number. Since that age for the last 11 years I stop saving numbers except for my family abs maybe a couple of my girlfriends.

One day my bf noticed after 4 months of dating that his number is not saved I explained to him that for me it only means that I care abs I know it’s strange and stupid but I have this weird superstition I grew up with that make me feel better that I don’t save the number until like marriage or if I really really feel in my heart that I want to do it. My sons father who is my ex treated me so horribly and he has a number saved as “ bad guy”. When he texts or calls I told my self to stop caring about him because it was really hard to let go after his abuse.

But anyway I don’t save guys I really like oddly. BUT one day after my bf complained I did save his name and photo but a couple weeks after we had a huge fight that almost ended us breaking up I because stressed and asked him to stop yelling at me because it was stressing me and I can’t focus on the kids when I’m stressed. He said he didn’t care if I stressed, deep down I know he didn’t mean it abs later on he did say sorry and say he didn’t mean it, but during that week of arguing I deleted the name and photo but I didn’t mean I did care or love him. I just don’t feel like I should be forced to change things in my phone when it has nothing to do with my feelings for him.

Today he saw I changed it, a month later after I did that and his whole demeanor changed. He started walking slowly, acting low and show to the kids no excitement abs trembling a little - as if he caught me cheating him. All I did was put his contact back to the way I prefer it to be until im ready to change how I feel about saving numbers. I’ll add that he is NOT the only man whose number I didn’t save. I’m just this way with my friends and particularly to guys I began to date. Now he claims I disrespect him and show that he is no body. How is that possible ?? He is around my kids 24/7, I cook dinner for him , I never hide my phone , he stays the night over my house , I finally opened up to let him start sleeping in my bed ( which was hard for me because I’ve been single for a while ) I’ve shown I care about him and I don’t think a phone number is an indicator or that or too ruin our beautiful Sunday pumpkin picking with kids I’ve this; abs I do see a reason why you can’t be in a relationship over this either.

Please don’t be rude I’m only looking for your thoughts.

Thank you.