I'm 11 weeks today and every since the very beginning I've been on bed rest due to my pain and nausea. ER trips for fluids and the last time we went they thought I had appendicitis, that my kidneys were failing, a miscarriage and/or heart failure. This is my second child and even though I wanted 4 kids, this child will be my last.

My guilt is I've only told my best friends and my mom who adopted me. My husband's sister over heard a conversation and told his family and my husband and I really haven't announced it because I want to hit my second trimester and I'm not excited. We planned for this child and the moment we went in to see whether I needed to be put on hormones we found out I was pregnant. I went through so many months crying and depressed wanting a child and now that I am pregnant. I am too miserable to even enjoy this miracle growing inside my body. Just yesterday a friend found out because my best friends couldn't stop talking about me being pregnant. When he asked if I was really pregnant I didn't know what to say. Mostly because I wanted to be the one to tell people myself and because I've been in so much pain during this pregnancy that I'm scared I will miscarry. How can I tell people that I'm pregnant and soon after I have to tell everyone I'm not. It's so scary and I feel wrong feeling this way but I just don't know what to do.