Am I awful?!

So my ex of 6 years is a drug addict. Coke & crack.

I know I should’ve left him long before but after 6 years and 2 children later i finally did not long after he left our 4 year old home alone at 2 am to go and buy crack. (as a general rule I didn’t leave them with him, but I had to because I was in hospital with our youngest. He took eldest home and that’s how it happened)

He also came home on drugs when our youngest was a couple days old ( I didn’t know) insisted I went to bed, stayed up with baby all night & I found out in morning he had yet again stolen money for drugs and he confessed.

He has done drugs in pure daylight around our children ( i don’t, and never have done drugs)

His excuse was I am there and sober so they are fine.

He has lied about where the kids have been before.

He has put them in cars with no car seats at the age of 2 etc.

The list goes on..

honestly I know it’s bad and I know I should’ve left way before. But I didn’t because he manipulated me every time.

I now have and am in a really really happy and healthy relationship.

EX has been having the kids at his mothers ( who smokes weed exclusively) house (where he lives) for a few hours a week on a couple days a week.

They know not to smoke in the house when kids are coming.

I’m obviously reluctant to do this but wanted to encourage their relationship to continue. He also abuses me if I don’t let him see them. Would go crazy at me etc.

Fast forward, he’s all of a sudden decided that he has to have them overnight & if he doesn’t have them overnight then he is refusing to have them at all.

He claims to be clean, but refuses drug test.

I’ve seen and been told multiple times he is not clean.

I’ll add a few weeks ago I was told he was out with the youngest in his car by his mother & that it has been approved as road legal.

Went online to research this was UNTRUE.

so I obviously had my son picked up because I don’t want him in a car that’s failed road legal tests.

Turns out he was using someone else’s car & because it belonged to a girl that he is seeing she didn’t want to tell me.

I obviously made it clear that I don’t care who’s car as long as it is legal and car seats are appropriate & legal. But most of all never lie to me about my children.

It’s mainly the lies that cause all of the issues.

But am I being unreasonable for not letting this man have our children over night?

If you made it this far Thankyou 😂 sorry it’s king I just want an unbiased opinion!

Thankyou