Trigger warning - ED

I have this weird complex that femininity equals being thin since I was a little girl. And also that I cannot be muscular. And that it is womanly to have curves and because of past abuse at times I've tried to diminish my curves. I have a large chest and thick thighs and recently I've worn more baggy clothing covering my thighs and my chest to appear more thin and going back into binging and restricting luckily I have not been triggered to throw up in about a year I believe. But I'm nearly there. How can I make some steps to undo this damage?

Today I am getting labs done to check my health I'm leaving work early today and on Friday I have an in person appointment with my doctor to talk about my disorder popping up because I've had these problems on and off since 14 years old and I am now 20. I've often starved myself without water the entire day and then during 12am I will binge on junk food only. I've gained more appetite and things are a little better but I'm still concerned.

If anyone knows any tips to what I should or shouldn't be watching or media I shouldn't consume. Should I stay off of Instagram? I dont know what im asking really I just need some support and I'm too nervous to tell my family and friends but they've already confronted me about it.

I will also schedule appointments with my psychologist and psychiatrist