I have been with my husband for 10 years. He has always had alcohol problems. But I have always have him a chance because I know he is a good person. I know his heart is good. But his priorities are drinking, smoking and hanging out with his friends. If he isn't working he is with his friends. And this is the way it has been for years. No matter what I say how I say it, my feelings are just turned around on me. If I say I just want you to spend time with us (our 2 kids) he just says nothing makes me happy what else does he have to give I want to take everything from him. We literally do not spend any time together I mean never. He doesn't do anything with our kids. He is sweet to our kids he loves us but if is just how he is. It just doesn't make him happy to he with us. And I have told him how I felt 100s of times. And I am exhausted from it. His sister is the same way his dad was the same way. I just don't feel loved I get no affection. Most of the time if he wants to have sex he is drunk. And then all of that gets turned around on me when I talk about it. I take care of my 2 kids 5 and 2 and my stepson all the time. By myself. He says he puts a roof over our head and that makes him a good dad. I just can't even make him comprehend. It hurts so bad i go through so much. My kids have severe eczema and are allergic to everything I live at the doctor. I go through so much and I am not appreciated just told I don't cook for him all the time I don't clean enough. I don't pay anything. It just never ends.

I don't think I am in love with him and I don't think it can be fixed. It is honestly weird if he did even show me attention. I don't think I even want him to. We are selling our house right now and moving to Florida November 27th. And I have to have him to get to where I need to go. But I am so unhappy. He lives on his phone with his friends. His friends come over here no matter what day of the week until 1 or 2 am. My son has school. This is every single week. Every weekend he goes to his best friends house at noon until about 9pm and then comes home and his other friends come here all night and drink. And they get so shitty drunk. It is never anything to do with family. If he is around us he acts miserable. And I know that it's his personality but I can't handle it anymore. I was 17 when I got with him. And I was young and dumb. And I can't handle it anymore. I'm grown and I'm over it. How do I know if I am not in love with him? I am so scared he is all I have ever known. I am scared. He doesn't know my kids and if we split he will get them just to prove he can and I couldn't handle them even being with him for 1 night. He can't even buy anything from store without buying soemthing with peanuts in it and my kids are both allergic. I can not trust him. And I just don't know what to do. I love him he has a good heart I know he loves me but not enough. And I have fought this fight for 10 years and I think I'm done. But how do I know....