Hey friends!

I am about 9 weeks pregnant with my very first child and couldn’t be more excited!! My husband and I are thrilled, and so is my mother. (Whom is actually my step mother, who has never had children, and always wanted them. She did aid in her best friends pregnancy, 30 years ago when things were much different). I do not have a relationship with my biological mother and view my stepmother to be my mom!

Being a grandmother has been a dream of my Mom’s and I’m super excited for her. I am very sensitive to the fact that she has wanted children’s of her own, but was not given the chance.

In light of this, I am sure to keep her up to date with my pregnancy and chat about dr. Appointments and ultrasounds. As of recently, she has become very opinionated on some matters that really should not concern her, and maybe that is my fault for over sharing. However she is also very sensitive to feeling “involved”. (I learnt this with my wedding).

Aaaaaanywho. I told her about options for genetic disability testing, which I am unsure if I am going to do as of yet. She very strongly said that if I didn’t want to give myself anxiety and put myself through hell, to not do it. (Which I know is my husband and I’s choice). Told me that if I have a boy, I should definitely have him circumcised, which I do not agree with. I shared with her what kind of research I am doing about pregnancy, and what my options are, such as a midwife. I also looked into different hospitals and what they offer at their maternity wards as well as just common knowledge about how to have the healthiest baby possible, what to eat and not eat and yadda, yadda. After all this is said, and I share the exciting things I’ve learnt about becoming a new mom, she looks at me and says, “it’s any wonder how kids used to be born and come out just fine”. For some reason this really struck a chord with me. It was kind of a jab in the way that she said it, as if I was researching, thinking and planning for a responsible pregnancy too much. (This woman is the one who taught me how to plan ahead and anticipate situations).

So, I let her say her piece, but it doesn’t sit well. It’s uncomfortable. I feel like I am being responsible in educating myself, and I feel like she may be a tad bit bitter with my excitement. I love her to death, and am so excited for her to be a grandma. I’m not too sure how to respond to her in the future when conversations like this arise again. She is not a person who takes any critical, constructive feedback easily, and becomes extremely defensive and hurt by it. I do feel at times it is hard to stand up to her, or let her know I’m a bit annoyed with her somewhat negative responses constantly.

The conversation I am dreading the most is her smoking. About 2 packs a day, in and outside of the house as well as the car. I smoked for a while before pregnancy and quit, haven’t smoked since and don’t plan to after pregnancy. She believes babies come out just fine in the 70’s when lots of mothers smoked. (I do not agree). I am super concerned about the conversation I will need to have with her about 2nd hand smoke around the baby when it is born and feel like she would really push back with it to the point where it could really alter our relationship.

Any personal experiences or advice would be hugely appreciated. I want what’s best for me and my baby, while being able to be firm with my mom, but also understanding of her feelings too.

Thank you so much for reading my novel 😂😂😂