It's been almost a year since my abortion. It wasn't done medically as the process was made illegal in my state except for a short list of medical exemptions and my heart issue isn't on the list. I fell back on an old pagan remedy called "maidens tea" that's not guaranteed to be effective but it was... I'm struggling. I already have depression and have had several miscarriages before this. I didn't want to end the pregnancy but it would turn into a matter of life and death and no one wanted me to take that chance, so I gave into the pressure of my family and friends. I know it was for the best as I have 2 living children to take care of. It just hurts so much. It was December 18th of last year that I found out I was pregnant, by the 20th I was drinking the tea, the 26th I was bleeding, and the 8th of January was my first negative pregnancy test confirming it worked. I expected this to be emotionally painful, but not as bad as it is. I thought that it would hurt about the same as a miscarriage but it's so much worse. Any advice on getting past the grief and guilt?