nobody will probably read this. i dont really post on here but i feel that writing this brings me some comfort. my life sucks. im fat and ugly mess and so fucking stupid. my relationships are crumbling and university is just eating away at me. i feel obligated to go to school because im hoping that my future consists of a great paying job enough to sustain myself. but these are hopes not guaranteed. i feel so hopeless and this year ive thought a lot about death but im too scared to do it because growing up in a religious family i was scared into believing that there is a hell and suicide will take me straight there. i dont wanna live in a hell for eternity. i want to cease to exist. i know i sound a bit neurotic and all over the place but. each day its harder to even want to go on. i just feel like the world would be a lot better if i werent in it