Intrusive thoughts

I woke up this morning just feeling tired and overwhelmed. My SO works nights and had just gotten home at 7:30 am. He walks into me holding our baby just sobbing and I had to tell him I was feeling THE most intrusive thoughts. What bothered me most about them was that I knew they were irrational. I knew I didn’t ACTUALLY feel the way I was thinking but they kept coming.

“You’re a terrible mom”

“They deserve better than you”

“You yell too much”

Then the big one: “they would be better off with no mom at all than YOU as their mother”.

It was then that I finally realized this isn’t just my regular depression. I’m not showering, I don’t enjoy anything, I’m overwhelmed and exasperated by the basic needs of my four month old baby, let alone her 5 year old sister. I’m sleeping way more than I should with a preschooler daughter. Now this? I don’t think I’m “coping” anymore, and I may actually be suffering from some PPD.

Any encouragement or positive thoughts would be greatly appreciated. I’m having a terrible day.

(Luckily it’s my SO’s Friday so maybe tomorrow will be a little better. 🖤)