Do you find it hard setting boundaries with family and friends, especially during the pandemic?

Question

I grew up in Portland, OR and moved away to Idaho for college 3 years ago. I got married and settled down in Idaho and haven't been home to visit in 2 years. We made the decision to visit my mom for Thanksgiving (we drove, didn't really stop anywhere on the way, and we all somewhat quarantined before we came and so did my mom). However most of my extended family live in the Portland area as well. They've caught wind of our visiting and have planned a small get-together. They're all so excited to meet my son, who just turned a year old. My husband and I have decided it's not worth the risk. It's also a 45 minute drive and the dinner starts an hour before my son's naptime so it's really inconvenient lol. Anyway, we've decided to politely decline the offer. I'm not looking for advice on how to do it, but has anyone else had similar issues setting boundaries? I hate telling people they can't meet my son. Everyone has always been very understanding but it's so hard. ☹️ How have you all been dealing with it?

Answer

Maybe I’m just a cutthroat person but I put my foot down in every situation.

Answer

I am brutal with my limits- especially with my kids. I will put my foot down, leave a place, never call you back- whatever it takes. I have told my parents flat out “(respect xyz boundary) or never see your grandkids again”. I am firm and I do not waver. I also teach my kids there is absolutely no secrets between us if anyone tries to get them to do something they don’t like or we wouldn’t like- none of this “have this chocolate it’s our secret” type crap. No “you HAVE to give me a kiss” crap. I set boundaries so my kids don’t get hurt or abused; I have NO shame- zero, uh uh. I have quietly gotten up and left my own mothers home because she was being disrespectful and rude. I didn’t let my father come to my baby shower cause he hadn’t mended ties with me (he quickly changed tune). No mercy.

Answer

Nope. The health and wellness of my family, particularly my baby, matter way more to me than anyone else’s feelings. We have required our parents to quarantine to meet him when he was born in July and they are quarantining now (as are we of course) for them to be here this weekend. He hasn’t met any other family members, including my brother because he works at a mall. He probably won’t meet my aunt until he’s at least 1 because she basically doesn’t believe Covid exists.

Answer

If by hard you mean they don’t care or listen to my boundary rules, then hell yes, it’s hard 😪 Legit my MIL even kissing my 15 month old son on the mouth after a day of her working.....I can only say “no kissing!” so many times

Answer

It’s hard but it’s necessary.

Answer

At first I did but then I decided to take this virus and lockdown time to teach myself how to say no! I’m kicking ass too lol

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it’s a pandemic id just say no. I actually wouldn’t have traveled for that same reason. Good luck!

Answer

With the rise in spikes of people getting the virus, this is the first year that we are not traveling for Christmas or Thanksgiving, we have family out of state and we made the decision and came to a mutual understanding because the kids were in school the whole time and now they’re going virtual we were planning on going so we decided to wait until the spring hopefully things will be better by then. It was a mutual understanding, and we have family in different places both at least a two hour flight away, but we haven’t seen the anyone In a year or two from the other side of the family pretty much we get together for weddings and funerals type of thing with them and then yearly with my brother and his kids. The kids are bummed because they haven’t seen us, but we are shipping out all of their Christmas gifts early, giving them stuff to anticipating be in charge of that kind of thing. We talk via text message and FaceTime some at least somethings better than nothing. I totally get you not wanting to expose your family, since the elections and all of the protests and people celebrating or writing etc., obviously the numbers have gone up for the virus. Even places that were previously safe, no longer are. I think it becomes more of a mutual understanding￼ You explain why, rather than just saying no. I don’t feel comfortable, just the way you’ve said to us about his naptime etc. I know they may try and make you feel guilty or manipulate you or whatever so you cave, but you are making the right decision.

Answer

It's very hard and I feel like an awful person but I know it's for the best.

Do you find it hard setting boundaries with family and friends, especially during the pandemic?

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