Last year in September, I had 2 positive home tests happen, I went to an OBGYN my friend recommended everything seemed okay, I was told I was 5 weeks 4 days at the time. I didn’t have much of any symptom, didn’t get nauseous a lot, no morning sickness, my breasts hurt but weren’t like overly sensitive. I hadn’t had my first transvaginal ultrasound yet and was excited to get it so I could have pictures. October 15th of last year, went in for my doctors appointment— 3 days after telling the rest of my family I was pregnant—to have my ultrasound, the tech was really nice and tried to make me comfortable since it was all new to me, she called the doc in a few moments later and together they told me my baby wasn’t alive. It wasn’t getting blood flow to it and it’s heart wasn’t beating. It was the day before I was 9 weeks pregnant. I was crushed and heartbroken for obvious reasons.

2 days ago I was feeling off, my period is due on Nov 28th, I usually get like “week before” intense cramps right before my period starts and I haven’t, and remembered that my husband and I weren’t exactly “safe” during my ovulation week this month. I talked to a few of my friends at work who convinced me to take a test. I usually only use the digital ones so I had one around bc that wasn’t expired yet that I took when I got home, it only took 2 minutes and it came back positive 🥺 crying my eyes out I went to the store and got another set to take to make sure- one was before bed and the other in the morning. Both positive too. But in the last two days I’ve been having some cramps and it’s freaking me out and making my anxiety go crazy, I’ve been crying thinking what happened last year will happen to me this time as well. I’m terrified. My coworkers know and my little sister (bc she works with me at the same place and I didn’t want her to hear about it from anyone but me) but I haven’t told my family at all bc of the fear that if I tell them now I’ll jinx myself and it’ll disappear again.

I read about implantion cramps and everything I’ve read said they stop around 12-14dpo and I’m now 15 dpo— does it mean from the first day of the week I start to ovulate or the specific Day that I have the highest chance to get pregnant? My ovulation week started 11/10, my husband and I had unprotected sex 11/11 but the day that I had the highest chance my <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android.eve">period app</a> said was the 14th. I have so many questions and my first appointment isn’t until the 30th and

I don’t know that my anxiety over the possibility of losing this one too will let me get any sleep. I can’t take my meds to help obviously I’ve tried breathing techniques but sitting in a quite room trying to focus on my breathing just makes me overthink more. I think I’m scared this is a dream and I’m not meant to carry a baby of my own. 😭