Hi All - I’m hoping to get some perspective and advice on a tricky situation. My husband’s best friend is a wonderful guy who I have gotten to know and love as a brother. His fiancé is nice as well, but we are so different that we wouldn’t typically be friends independently. That said, given my husband and his friend’s close friendship (and our limited social pod during COVID-19) I have been spending a LOT more time with her than usual. She (we’ll call her M for simplicity) and I found out that we were pregnant around the same time, and our due date is only a few days apart.

At first I was thrilled to have someone to share the experience with. I am not a typical “girly girl” and am relatively private about my personal life, but have tried to open up with her to bond about our babies. She is much more open, sharing all kinds of opinions and strong feelings about various details of her pregnancy (how she’s not going to accept an IV at the hospital because she wants to deliver “the right way” without medical help, how she’s going to deliver/catch her own baby, etc.) I have listened politely and shared that, while I have a rough idea of how I’d like labor to go, I know myself well enough to not set any hard or fast “rules” because I know that a lot can happen in the delivery room and I don’t want to set myself up to feel like I failed. This type of cycle has gone on a few times... she asserts very strongly what’s wrong and right and I chime in to share my (IMHO more realistic) approach. I honestly don’t know how much longer I can take the onslaught of baby talk... I know she is excited about her pregnancy, but she takes every opportunity to suck up all the oxygen in the room talking about her pregnancy details (i.e. I’m going to eat my placenta, I’m going to bring lights and decorations into the delivery room) even when we are with our mutual friends who aren’t pregnant. It’s especially awkward for our non-pregnant friends, and it prompts me to want to change the subject and focus on their non-pregnant lives.

I’ve recently learned through M’s fiancé that she is disappointed because she wanted to do more “pregnancy bonding” with me and feels like I am not excited enough about my pregnancy or supportive enough of hers. I am pretty offended, given how much I’ve gone out of my comfort zone to be understanding and accommodating, and she has no right to judge how excited I am about my pregnancy. I am THRILLED! I just don’t think the rest of the world needs to hear about it 24/7. I’m having a baby and it’s truly a miracle, but the world keeps on spinning for everyone and everyone has a LOT going on this year. Is anyone else in the same boat in dealing with a competitive and judgmental pregnant friend?

Given the risks of COVID, my husband and I decided against a baby shower. It just didn’t feel like a responsible thing to do right now (TBH, I’m not sure I would want either in a normal year anyway). I recently found out that M is really upset that I haven’t offered to host her a baby shower, which in these times just sounds ridiculous. Am I out of line? Is a shower a huge life milestone that I just don’t get? I mean, people are missing loves ones’ funerals and weddings because of COVID and she is fixated on her baby shower and how I’m not being supportive.

Our friendship is becoming toxic and I dread seeing her. Normally, I would just take some space away from her, but I feel like I’m stuck with her for life, given my husband’s close friendship with her fiancé (like a sister in-law). I’d love any suggestions or feedback anyone has to share.