I should be able to be happy..but I am in a loveless marriage.  Is there any point in trying anymore? There is not affection beside when he wants to have sex, or we are around people. We don't talk anymore..unless its fighting.  We use to be able to have the easiest conversation but now he'd rather be on his phone and ignore me. Everything he does get to me, when he has a day off I already wish he could go back to work. I'm happier when he's not around. Isn't that sad? I can't remember the last time we had date night.. or spent any real time together. Even if we are alone, he'd  rather play on his phone than do anything with me. It doesn't feel fun anymore..we have absolutely no connection, we don't laugh together. I feel like I'm the only one that puts any effort into our relationship.  I'm the only one that cares to. We keep having the same fights and nothing ever changes. I can't find hardly any good qualities about him anymore. I feel like i can't make any of my own choices. I feel more like myself when he's not around. When I'm with him I'm not myself, he makes me feel so bitter,exhausted and frustrated. I hate being home.. it doesn't even feel like a home to me. I think about living by myself or somewhere else. I hate that he chews. When he doesn't have it he's horrible to me. He let's it have way to much power over him.. He has anger issues, and acts out violently. I'm scared of him. He's a hateful person, always finding something to talk bad about someone. Especially his Ex wife. He never helps me around the house. He is ungrateful for what he has. He never corrects the kids when they are disrespectful to me. He doesn't care about me or anything but himself. He doesn't have anything to do with our daughter unless I ask him to help or we are around people. He'd rather leave her crying in her seat than do anything with her. He shows no excitement for her.

He's a liar and two faced. He'd rather hurt me than be nice. He only says he loves me when he leaves somewhere. He can just spend however much money he wants, whenever he wants. But gets mad at me for spending any. He is disrespectful to my family. And his family disrespect me and he doesn't nothing.  He doesn't love me.. Honestly....

I don't think I'm inlove with my husband anymore.