Hey there,

Ive been out of a poor relationship for roughly a year now. My relationship with my ex was four years long, we had the intention of getting married since high school.

My ex was emotionally neglectful to say the absolute least. He constantly gaslighted me, even during my worst days. When I informed him of my self-harm dilemmas, he shrugged it off. While I was bruising the insides of my arms, he was focusing on making an unsuccessful YouTube channel about gaming. When my family member passed away, he left me crying on his couch for his father to comfort me. When I began to embrace myself, he expressed that it made him uncomfortable. He forgot my birthday, he blamed that on me, too. When I had panic attacks, he was two minutes from my house playing xbox with his friends knowing exactly what was going on. He wouldn’t hold my hand in public. He would intentionally neglect me for days when I called him out. He made me bleed during sexual encounters more than often on a seemingly intentional basis. He bought me a promise ring, I wore it. I bought him a promise ring, it never left the box. Self defense was not a prospect for me.

He now informs others that I was to blame, and that I cheated on him.

It was his idea to break up. He said we were “hurting each-other.”, in reference to the times I expressed myself.

I’m currently in a new relationship but I cannot seem to get past my last relationship. I’m constantly on edge, attempting to defend myself against nothing. I am apologizing to my significant other for no apparent reason with the anticipation of being gaslighted and intentionally manipulated or neglected. I am constantly checking myself because I don’t want my significant other to feel like I did for so long.

I’m damaged and exhausted.

How do I move on?

Thank you,

L