When is life going to stop kicking me down?...it’s one thing after another and another and it just sucks feeling like you can’t breath 😔💔

Depression hit me the hardest during my senior year in college. I failed my classes which ruined my GPA, since I dropped out, they took away my scholarships which now put me in a $15,000 debt to the school, and I’m having so much trouble picking myself back up. I’m working and applying to better jobs and nothing. I can’t afford to have my dream wedding or buy a house because I don’t have a good job and I can’t get a new job because I don’t have my degree and I can’t get my degree without paying off the 15k which I can’t do with my jobs I’m working. In 2019 I was suicidal, I stopped caring about everything and everyone around me including myself. I ruined my hair and teeth because I stopped taking care of myself and through months and months of therapy, I was finally able to get passed my depression. It’s still present but I try to silence it because I never wanna go back to the state of mind I was in. But how am I not supposed hate myself and my life when my car breaks down, or my old apartment is being so difficult and trying to overcharge me on every little thing and owing money on the new car including the $500 license plates, and my job not working it’s full hours because of covid, and everything else. I feel tired and exhausted of barely having my head above water and it’s so hard to look at my life and be happy. I just always end up hating myself for going into depression and not finishing school...but no matter how hard I pray or wish things were different, it’s not and it seems like it never will be for me