A different kind of grief.
My husband is a narcissist, he hasn’t always been. He used to love me more than he loved himself and stop at nothing to make me happy. Well, all that has changed. We moved in together and he asked me not to work to be a sahm, which I agreed to, he takes care of me. He used to be abusive in the middle of our relationship but after seeing me physically hurt at the fault of his hands multiple times he stopped, he stopped a few years ago. He doesn’t love me like he used to, I miss the boy I fell in love with in high school.. he takes advantage of me and uses the fact that he makes all the money against me. I can’t leave and support myself and my daughter. I’m not sure what’s making me a worse mom, staying with him and assuring my daughter is taken care of or risking all that for my peace of mind, give my daughter a half ass unhappy mother or struggle to put food on the table. He loves our daughter. What happened to him? What happened to the guy I fell in love with years ago? He is part of my life and I don’t know what I would do with myself without him. Sleeping alone, eating alone, sitting on the couch watching movies alone.. how could I? Living our dream of finally having a family together, but alone? I wish I could go back in time and relive those moments with the loving boy I once had just one more time.. im at a loss.. I long for the man I once had who will never return.. a different kind of grief.
Thank you for reading my words and I apologize if this made anyone uncomfortable.