Nothing makes sense anymore

I have had 2 miscarriages and 4 chemical pregnancies in the last two years.. and here we are once again.

I took a pregnancy test on November 28th one day before my period and got a faint positive. An hour later I went to the store to get a digital and it said not pregnant..

I know digital takes more HCG to register but it hurt a little..

Two days later I take another test to see if the line has gotten darker for some peace of mind and it actually got lighter..

No bleeding, some cramping, tender breasts but I can’t help but prepare for the worse..

How I crave and desire happiness.... after awhile you get tired of having your emotions being fucked with..

sometimes I just want to sleep forever.. 💔