Nervous

My husband of 8 years unexpectedly filed for divorce in October. It was finalized early November. He was a straight up asshole—verbally—towards me until it was finalized. Called me a bitch when things didn’t go his way, stupid, said he hadn’t loved me in 5 years and couldn’t wait to be divorced, etc. Before filing, he came in one day and initiated sex. Got me all worked up with his fingers, then removed them and said I was too loose and needed to find someone with a bigger dick. Walked out of the room and everything. That wasn’t the first time he had made me feel insignificant during sex.

Now, I have a colleague who I’ve known for years who is interested in me and wants to help relieve some “tension” neither of us are interested in dating at this point and while I’d love to hook up with Him, I’m just scared I really am loose and am even nervous to let Him finger me because I’m afraid he’ll be disappointed or think I’m slutty. My ex husband used to say stuff like “that’s the best you got?” Or other derogatory stuff during sex and I’m afraid I won’t measure up. Just the thought of being fingered/having sex makes my nerves bad.

I’m 34, he’s 42. Help?? What do I do??