My wife has a trigger word which is calm down. Her ex would always tell her this. Today I told her clam down on the phone and now she won't talk to me. I feel like shit every time she gets mad at me because It's the fact I have to work two jobs to make sure we can pay bills. Some days when she gets mad at me I think back to the days were I was going to kill myself at 13/14 and wonder If I made the wrong choice not doing it.  Even now I'm crying alone in bed because she doesn't want to be near me. I wish she knew how much she hurts me.  But I have to stay strong for our soon to be son.