I think there are multiple triggers in here, so beware. I just need some advice, or reassurance, idk...

So, 2 years ago I went to a huge, week long concert.. where people rent out sites and camp there the whole week and get drunk. I only drank two beers, tried a sip of moonshine, and was walking around checking out what other people had going on. Some people had hot tubs set up, cornhole, beer pong, other drinking games. I ended up going to one area that had a little band playing. Everyone around me was hammered and enjoying themselves.. I ended up on the dancing stage and saw this girl up on the railing, so I got up there and everyone was shouting to flash them.. so I did, whatever, not my best moment, but I was having fun. Then I hear someone yelling my name behind me. It was a kid I went to high school with who was a grade above me. I was all like, “omg hey! How are you?!” And he was all like, “Come back to my campsite and hangout with us!” So I did.. I get there and there was this guy who I always had a crush on and I started talking to him.. the other guy who brought me to his site asked if I wanted a drink and brought me back a solo cup.. all I remember is taking two sips, confessing how huge of a crush I had on this guy, and telling him I gotta go back and find my friends.. this is where everything gets blurry and mixed up.. the guy who gave me the drink walks up to me and asks me where I’m going and I told him to find my friends camper, he put his arm around me and tells me that my friends camper is to the right of me and he has me walk in this camper. I wake up the next morning to some guy telling me I’m sleeping in his camper.. I start walking around everywhere and didn’t even realize that I had on no shirt, no bra, and no shoes. Also, I was on my period that week and when I went to the bathroom, I had no tampon in. So, I’m walking around and the way I remember everything is that it was night time, like it was still dark out.. apparently it was actually like 8am. This girl finds me that I knew and she’s like, girl you are a mess, we have to find your friends, and she’s like, “Don’t you have a daughter?” Well, I punched her in the face I guess.. I thought it was a dream, but my friends told me that this girl called them and told them that she was trying to help me out and get me to them and I punched her in the face.. when I was talking to my friends about it, I asked them when did that happen because I kind of remember, but it’s all dark like nighttime and he said it was like early in the morning and the sun was out. After that, I dont remember the next two or three days. But, every once in a while, it comes back to me in flashbacks. When I got back home from that living nightmare, it still wasn’t over. Friends and family were talking about how I was all over social media naked, dancing, making out with people, and I just had no words! I wanted to kill myself! I had no idea what everyone saw, I had no idea what I did, but everyone around me did. So, I’m hanging out with my baby dad and our friends and he’s like, “Did you hear that ‘so-and-so’ raped someone up there?” My friends and I just looked at each other in shock because that was the person who gave me my drink and told me to go in someone else’s camper. I start to search for this guy on social media to see if he posted anything about me and he BLOCKED ME! I don’t know if I was raped by him, but I was definitely drugged. I think it’s given me PSTD also. Feeling so violated, embarrassed that I behaved that way, not even knowing what I did and people probably just think I’m some dumb, drunk slut! This has been really bothering me.. so much so that sometimes I feel so disconnected from reality, I feel like I’m in a movie and I’m acting, I feel no emotion.. and this happened for minutes at a time and then when it stops, I have an overwhelming feeling of fear that I’m going crazy, or that my emotions weren’t matching the situation.. (if that makes sense) like I was faking the emotions in these episodes and I’m paranoid that someone else will notice and think I’m crazy. I just had a flashback the other day when I was in the car with my husband and I can’t even express how disgusting it makes me feel.. I literally shake my head to try and get the thoughts out.. clenching my fists, swinging at the air around me, hoping I can shoo away the feelings. I absolutely HATE talking about it though because I don’t want pity from anyone and I dont want to talk about it. I just want it completely out of my head.. and talking about it isn’t gonna change that something awful happened to me. I don’t want to be like, “aw, poor me I was drugged and I might have been raped by someone I used to go to high school with, feel bad for me.” For one, I feel like no one will believe me, for two I don’t even want to think about it! My husband told me I need to talk about it, but I’m having intrusive thoughts, it pops up in my head when I don’t want it to, so why would I purposely put it in my head?? Idk.. I’m so lost and don’t know what to do.. I feel crazy and my husband thinks I have PTSD.. I’m so scared to talk to a therapist about this.. are they going to declare me insane? Am I going to be hospitalized? Are they going to drug me? I have nightmares too, so are they going to give me tranquilizers to sleep??? Are these thoughts ever going to go away? How do I just block them out? Ughhhgh 😩😭😭😭