UPDATE: Serious question

I am married have been for 11 years. My husband has changed a lot hes now an alcoholic and when he gets drunk he gets abusive. Verbal only physical once and it was an accident. He tried to hit himself and I tried to stop him and he hit me so I blame myself for that. But he has also not been wanting to have sex with me in 8 months so I think he's cheating but I have no proof. Ok well I've been hanging out with my best friend more since March. He is a guy and my husband knows and doesn't care. I have NOT cheated on my husband and never would physically but I feel like emotionally I have. I have very strong feelings for my best friend. I love him like really love him, he is all I think about. But I also love my husband and do not feel like I want to leave him. But I am so confused idk what to do. Please give me some opinions.

Hes not just changed over the past year, he was an alcoholic when we first got together but he quit. 3 years after I found out he was using drugs and I told him if he didn't stop I'd leave. He told me he stopped but I eventually found out he hadn't so I packed my and my kids stuff and left for a few months. He proved to me he'd quit so we went back. Then he went back to drinking hes just started getting mean for no reason and drinking a lot more. I have spoken with him about it every morning after and day after he gets drunk and is a complete ass he laughs about it and does it again a day or 2 later.

His job wasn't affected by covid he still has to go to work as usual and makes $30hr so he's not stressed financially and doesn't seem stressed at all. He's always open about his feelings and if something was bothering him he'd tell me. We've been fine through covid. Nothing really changed for us. Our kids were already home schooled. We don't go places like amusement parks, concerts etc. If we go out we go fishing or camping and we continued that all year. Even took a 2 month camping trip across our state. (,being careful of course didn't go in stores except gas stations if we HAD to and had ordered our groceries or food online for no contact delivery. So I don't know whats going on with him.