One week earlier: Kittens POV

“Oh fuck baby..” moaned Jaxx while I rocked my hips against him sensually “that’s so good..”

I wrapped my legs tighter around his waist and continued to grind against him, teasing the tip of his huge member against my wet slit. I knew the heat radiating from it was provoking him to release his grip on the edge of the bed and take me, but he was letting me run the show. So, I decided to take my time. I crawled off of him and silenced his protest with a soft kiss. I got on my knees between his legs and felt him tense with anticipation, the talent I possessed here he was silently begging for. Running my hands up his thighs, grazing my nails over his hips, I took the tip in my mouth. I swirled my tongue around it, constantly stimulating the sensitive nerve underneath the tip of his shaft. He was growing impatient, I could feel it. With no warning, purely for his shocked and helpless reactions, i gently place his hands around my neck and I slammed my head down and took him deep down my throat, so he could feel his cock go all the way inside.

“Oh Fuuuuck!” He didn’t even try stifling his moans anymore. Every stroke down his hot, thick shaft sent electric waves of sensation through his body and pried roars of pleasure from his own throat.

I was about to continue my assault when he said the words.

“I love you, baby...”

this stopped me in my tracks, but for some reason I was unable to move. “What?” I heard my voice say. His cock was still nine inches down my throat, so I was unable to speak.

“I love you” a voice repeated. This time it was Leon’s. I felt two familiar hands reach over and take firm hold of my hips, before I felt the equally familiar tip of a second member enter me from behind. At the same time, Jaxx placed his hands on my head and continued to fuck my throat.

“I love you” they chanted in unison.

“Tell us you love us.” Jaxx moaned

“Tell us who you choose.” Leon groaned.

“Tell us. ” they said again, their strokes becoming more forceful, pounding me from both sides and making my body erupt from the pleasure while my head screamed for stability.

“Tell us!”

“Tell us!”

“TELL US!”

I jolted up out of bed, my clothes completely soaked with sweat and my heartbeat pounding like a drum in my ears. It had all been a dream, but as I steadied my heartbeat and my breathing, I knew it meant so much more. I got out of bed and changed the sheets, then stripped off my clothes as I made my way to the shower. I let the raging hot water cascade down my back and shoulders and chase my demons down the drain. As I stood in the steaming downpour, I thought heavily on what I should do next.

Jaxx and Leon has become so deeply involved in my life, beyond the cracked walls of my bedroom. Jaxx used CPR to save me after I threw myself off the bridge, and helped me get into treatment. Leon beat my would-be attacker into a bloody pulp then taught me how to fight to protect myself. Jaxx helped me enroll into college, Leon helped me get a job. They both invested so much time into helping me get better, even aware of each other’s presence in my life, especially my intimate life, and they never protested or voiced Any expectations of commitment. That was our biggest rule; do Not fall in love.

The realization hit me hard in my chest, and I sank to the floor of the shower.

I was in love with two men, neither of which could I see holding any interest of a committed relationship with me,especially if I had feelings for the other. I felt my anxiety creeping up my throat, choking me with it’s malice. As it bombarded me; Why should I feel any sort of way about either of them? They were probably fucking another woman right now, not even thinking of me! They only did those things for me as a pity donation. They don’t have any Real feelings for me. I won’t let it hurt me. I won’t let it hurt me. I won’t let it hurt me.

I choked on a sob.

It hurt so fucking much...

I shut off the water and wrapped myself in my favorite fluffy towel. I ran a towel quickly through my hair, not bothering to dry it completely, then I went to my closet and fished for something warm and dry to sleep in. I came across several silk and lace thongs and teddies and nightdresses. I recall Leon asking me one night why I bothered buying all the lingerie.

“I thought you might enjoy them..” I had said.

“Oh sweetheart,” he said with his classic, sexy smirk. “I absolutely enjoy them. I enjoy taking them off of you even more. But, if you want my honest opinion, I like you exactly as you are.” He tossed a black pullover hoodie at me, it had his scent all over it. He crossed the room and tugged it gently over my head. “Perfect.” he said. “Hoodie, glasses, messy hair.. bun.. thingy..” he poked the rats nest on my head while chuckling. “Oh yeah.. and this.” He grabbed me and threw me across his lap before delivering a sharp smack right across my ass. “And these yoga pants that show off this PERFECT ass. Fuck. You Have to wear these more.” He laughed as I squirmed around on his lap. He pulled me up and cradled me, holding me close, which was unexpectedly tender. “Just stay as you are, baby. Lace and silk are okay, but what makes you feel the most at ease is what matters.”

I had forgotten about that moment, until now.. and then my fingers brushed against something familiar. Pulling it out, it was Leon’s hoodie. I couldn’t help pressing it against my face and inhaling, it still smelled just like him. A small voice in the back of my mind told me to get rid of it, which induced a deep and throbbing pang in my chest. I knew it was childish, but I couldn’t bring myself to throw it out. I pulled it on, as well as some cotton sweatpants I had “borrowed” (stolen) from Jaxx one of the nights he spent here with me. He laughed when he saw me wearing them the next night he stayed over. The next weekend I had found a package on my doorstep, inside was the same brand of luxury active gear in my size and my favorite color. There was a note: “these will fit you better, and they’ll look way cuter and sexier than my old ones, but you’re welcome to keep both. Have a good day, beautiful. -J”

The memories came in waves and tormented me. I couldn’t bear being bombarded with them while wondering if they actually gave a damn about me at all. I raided my fridge until I found what I was after. A big bottle of blue Vexed Dog 21/21. It was cheap but it was strong and exactly what I needed. I didn’t bother with the glass, I broke the seal and started drinking straight from the bottle. About halfway done I thought I was going to vomit Everywhere, but I had the emotional barrier I needed. I grabbed my phone and dialed Leon.