How to regain trust?

Question

A few years ago my fiancé started talking to this other girl while we were dating, and gaining feelings for her. we were together for over 2 years, talking for years before that & had a 5 month old son. He did end up breaking up with me and tried to pursue something with that girl, it didn’t work so a few months later he came back to me. 
We went to therapy (just a few times, honestly hoping we can find the time maybe in the future to start up again) and talked about everything but even years later it’s still SO hard for me to trust him. I can’t. he literally broke my heart, was my very first heartbreak ever plus dealing with postpartum so I feel like it was just 10x worse. How do you build the trust back? He hasn’t done anything to break it again that I know of (which I usually find out everything) but it’s just always in the back of my mind - I’m scared to get too close again bc I can’t go thru that heartbreak again. I just feel like i’ll never really be able to trust him honestly. 
Any advice ?

Answer

You don’t.

Answer

The only advice I have for you is to seek personal counseling (without him). Let a professional help you work through feelings of insecurity and low self-esteem because that is what happened here. Unfortunately, the people we love hurt us the most so we push ourselves to stay even if it isn’t healthy. I personally wouldn’t want to marry someone that I didn’t trust. Your partner should make you feel secure. And good about yourself. I think these are kind of the minimum requirements. I also wouldn’t get back together with someone who came back to me after an affair. I think you feel so low because you know that you were the backup / second choice in that time period. If he came back to you because it just didn’t work out with this other girl then I truly think you deserve better than this even years later. I am not with my sons dad. He’s two years old now. Life is so much better this way after you get over the hump of heartbreak. It’s way easier than being married to someone for what could be the rest of your life, not being able to trust them, not feeling secure, wanting to look through their things, etc that is just not a peaceful way of life hun and I hope you realize that.

Answer

Unfortunately when you get back with a cheater the trust issues and thoughts and what ifs will ALWAYS be there

Answer

Do you know why he started talking to this other girl in the first place? Were there issues in your relationship already?
I know it's easy to just say oh don't be with him because of what he did but we all make mistakes. I think if you really love this man and he is who you want to be with then you need to get to the bottom of why this happened in the first place? That way you hopefully make sure it doesn't happen again. 
As someone else said, definitely go have some therapy yourself just if nothing else so they can help you organise your thoughts. If your relationship was otherwise good then you can get over this as long as he is sorry and you're both willing to put in the work to get over it. If he isn't sorry then don't waste your time because he will most likely do it again at some point. The fact that he did go to therapy with you makes me think he might be though. Best of luck!

Answer

Now that he know he can leave you for another bitch, mess around with her and come back with no issues, he gone keep doing that shit. 
You a good one. No way in hell someone is leaving me for someone else and then it didn’t work out for them so they can just willingly come back to me, especially with no consequences. I’ll never be able to trust him again. How can you trust he won’t up and leave y’all again? How can you trust he not talking to her still? Like no. I just couldn’t.

Answer

Now he’ll just be twice as smart when he does it again and know you’ll come back even if he does

Answer

I have trust issues with my boyfriend drinking.... and previous lies about where he is... I have access to his bank app... his phone location... and Facebook.. email.. basically everything... I know it sounds over the top and crazy... but it makes me feel better. I get this sort of tight feeling when I think he might be drinking again.... or even smaller panic attacks and hyperventilating.... but knowing where he is and if he spent money on alcohol ect. Makes me feel better and calmer.

How to regain trust?

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