Hey, so I’m still trying to overcome the trauma of a guy who assaulted me a couple of years ago. Here’s roughly how it went...

I was out with my parents and was a bit drunk, and this guy who I was previously seeing (we’d fallen out) wanted to make it up to me so he got a train to my town and my dad walked me to meet him, he shook my dads hand and walked us to his hotel that he was checking in at. We went to his room and ate some food before we were gonna head out, he did have some weed so I had a little smoke and drink, so we were vibing and flirting and kissing (id previously already slept with him). Anyway it got to a point where the weed and alcohol really hit me and I said I need to lay down and wait for it to wear off before we went out. So I lay on the bed, he kept saying “no keep on drinking”. This was the moment my paranoia kicked in and I suspected he’d put something in my drink, so I stayed put. I then remember him laying next to me on the bed and touching me, trying to take my tights off and I kept saying “no I need to calm down”. I had my phone in my hand and I calmly texted my dad saying “pick me up” and he then called me. (This is when the guy decided to put his hand in my pants and put his fingers inside me, all the while I was frozen and vividly remember just staring at the fire alarm on the ceiling). So I was on the phone to my dad, who at this point was already back home and was over the limit so he couldn’t pick me up. I didn’t say much on the phone but he could tell I was in danger so started asking me things like “are you okay?” And “do you feel threatened?” So that I could just reply with yes or no. My dad sprinted to his friends house who he knew was sober and he stayed on the phone to me the whole time while this guy was assaulting me, my dad told me to try and get out calmly and meet him back in the town, so I very calmly got up and pulled up my tights, put my shoes on and I actually went over to the guy and put my hand on his face saying “I’m sorry I’m just too drunk I need to go” - he rolled his eyes and sighed as he watched me leave. When I got out of the room I SPRINTED down the stairs terrified that he’d follow me (I think I was always a bit scared of him cause he spoke violently in the past and was a lawyer). Anyway I met my dad and I was rushed home.

The problem now, is the trauma. Now I was raped when I was 14 and sexually assaulted by another guy a few years ago, but nothing has truly scarred me like this guy. I later matched with him on tinder because I wanted to confront him. But he tried to turn it all around on me, he blamed me for not stopping him, my dad for allowing me to see him, me for flirting with him at first etc. He tried to use his job as a lawyer to threaten me.

Ever since then I’ve struggled to climax during sex or even get/stay wet, I have dreams where I stop him before he assaults me and I break his arm lol, or I dream that he did chase me down the stairs and hurt me further. Essentially I’m just asking for some advice on how to better cope with the ptsd. I have an amazing caring boyfriend and I want these thoughts to stop controlling my sex life and my mental health. Thanks...