This is kind of an update to a post I made a month ago. I appreciate you all for encouraging me and my husband to go to therapy. That post was about how 4 months ago my husband was really sick and dizzy and couldn't pick me up from work... I was 38 weeks pregnant so I called my mom to get me. Me and her have had a rocky relationship because she was addicted to pills. She agreed to stop to be in my daughters life. I didn't know she had decided to take pills on her way out the door to get me. She ended up running a red light.... My side got T-boned. I lost my daughter... And the couple in the other car boyfriend died.... My mom is doing some hard time. I haven't spoken to my dad because he knew she had taken them on her way to get me and he didn't even bother to call me to warn me. Every letter my mom have written me I threw away. I conceived my daughter through

<a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IVF</a>

.... 6.5 years of ttc and I lose everything in one night... My husband started drinking because he blamed himself.

We started therapy and he agreed to stop drinking. It has helped us come to terms with everything. We are taking it one day at a time. So lately I've noticed a fowl smell down there. I went to see my gynecologist because I was sure I had a BV. He checked me and stuff, had me also pee in a cup and it's true I had a BV. But then he told me I was pregnant.... I straight up said thats not possible. I tried for 6.5 years to have a baby. And 3 of those years were through

<a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IVF</a>

. I have never once conceived naturally. He showed me the test and it was blazing positive! Based on my last menstrual period I'm 3 weeks 5 days. He is wondering if I'm farther along because that line wasn't faint in the least bit but my hormones could just be high. I genuinely do not know how that is possible. 6.5 years if try and no natural pregnancies. I told my husband when he got home and he asked the same thing "How is that possible?" I really have no idea how to feel about this. I should be so excited but I feel so mixed about it. I gave made an appointment to meet with him again. I walked into the room that was supposed to be our daughters. Her name was still on the wall.... Maria Elaine Motus.... My husband came into the room and hugged me... Being in there.... Just made me feel like everything will be okay... I'm still feeling mixed emotions... But I feel safe...

Thank you guys for your amazing support! I think the reason I have such mixed emotions is because I have to keep reminding myself that me losing Maria was not my fault. It's also hard because I saw her and I was supposed to have her in my arms... I was 38 weeks. She could have survived outside the womb... Maybe a part if me feels a little like I'm replacing her if that makes sense. I'm happy I really am. There are just so many feelings... The thought of losing this baby is terrifying so I think part of me is afraid to get attached until this baby is in my arms... But I feel my angel is looking over me because I felt safe as soon as I entered her room. I think Maria is looking over mommy daddy and her new sibling.❤❤❤