Advice, I dont know how to help him

I never post on this app, please forgive the incoming novel....

After 18 months trying to conceive our first, my pregnancy ended in miscarriage on December 15. I am taking it day by day but I’m struggling emotionally. Then, we found out my father-in-law’s cancer has spread.

My husband didn’t really react when we found out what was happening. He was pretty unaffected and optimistic for me and gave me my space to get through the miscarriage (albeit a bit more distantly than I would have preferred). He also didn’t have much reaction when his parents told us about the cancer. Then yesterday evening he completely lost it. He tripped over my slippers and just started sobbing and we cried together and talked. I thought “finally, we can start to grieve and tackle this together. Maybe he finally is feeling what I’ve been feeling.”

Today he’s been in a terrible mood and is really having trouble. He’s lashing out and distant, and I can tell he’s been crying on and off. If he says anything to me he’s mean and short. He even texted his friend from high school. He told her what’s going on with us, but of course she’s in a “worse” situation (covid-related family stuff, it’s actually terribly sad and I feel bad for her). To add insult to injury though, she also told him she’s 12 weeks pregnant with her second child. The only conversation we’ve had today was him telling me what’s going on with her.

I know why he reached out. He needs support. Support that he thinks I can’t give right now because I’m still so sad. I also hate myself for this, but part of me resents the potentiality that I might need to be the strong one. I know that’s not fair to him, he lost the baby too, it’s his dad going through cancer, I know he’s going through a lot. But selfishly I’m mad that he just spent the last almost three weeks acting like everything is normal, repressing everything while I went through absolute hell trying to function. I just want some more time to grieve before I have to take care of everything again and pretend to be happy and strong. That’s what I’ve tried to do today and it was way too damn hard, I’m not ready.

I know, it’s only been one day and tomorrow might be better (I’m telling this to myself on repeat while I write this lol). I’m just struggling. Any advice on how to support him while I’m also trying to get through this time would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance.