So I’ve been married to my husband going on 3 years and we’ve been together for 5 years. We were best friends before we started dating. The relationship was awesome even with the minor issues and arguments I still loved our relationship. We got engaged and were engaged for about a year while living together. I insisted on waiting to get married but his family and he kept pushing to do the wedding. So we did. Immediately after I felt a shift. Arguments turned into long issues drawn out over days/weeks. Then we’d have good weeks. Then he started to get more violent. He never hit me but would punch holes in walls and doors. He then shoved me from time to time. It wasn’t like this every day. Maybe twice a month or less. Then it got really frequent again. And then stopped. I started realizing how manipulating and guilt tripping he was towards me. He would say everything was because of me. Later he’d apologize and then promise to change. It would be great for a couple days or weeks and then get worse again. This has continued in a cycle I’ve tried desperately to break. Recently he’s started calling me very hurtful names during arguments that he’s never said before. I’ve tried and changed everything I can think of. I’ve even tried counseling. But now I’m to the point I don’t want to try when the result is always the same and I feel like ending the marriage. When I discuss this with him, he either lashes out, guilt trips me into staying, or goes above and beyond. But it never lasts. His manipulation and mind games are very subtle and passive aggressive.

It’s gotten to the point my friends are noticing how it’s changed me, how he treats me, and how possessive he’s gotten (but the possessiveness is very subtle).

I’m torn. I know (at least in my head) that I should leave and that the marriage is toxic for both of us, but I also feel guilt and heart broken over the situation. Fear of starting over is also something holding me back.

Any words of advice, or input from people who experienced similar situations are needed!