I'm in high school, 18 years old, and... completely lost. I feel stuck, and whenever I think about my situation, even the slightest bit, I start panicking.

I don't have any friends nor any sort of community. I do have 2 sisters, a mother and a boyfriend, but they're kinda tired of me feeling terrible and being unhappy. I can't rely on them anymore. I feel really lonely...

Here's my biggest problem : due to my mental health, school is too difficult to handle. I skip classes a lot because I'm terrified (of what? dunno). The past years lead me to be really late and left behind when it comes to school work and knowledge. I can't go to school nor study without being ridiculously anxious and losing control over myself, even thinking about it, or just looking at my to do list is horrible.

I know there are people living things way more difficult than I am, but I can't stop feeling like that, I feel guilty and shameful for feeling bad...

I don't know what to do, I like learning a lot, and one of my dreams is to be able to go to school happily, with a big bright and sincere smile on my face. But I can't see a way out of this.

I have to find a way. But how? Where? When?

I know I'm terrified of not being loved, because I lack so much self love, and that it paralizes me. I'm sick and tired of living for others, in their eyes and opinions, and not for myself. I don't want to survive anymore, I want to live.

Please, help me, I don't know whant to do...