Son told me and my husband we cant lecture him on being a homewrecker because we both cheated

My son is 17. We are in our 40s. I have cheated on my husband several times but he has cheated on me first when my son was a little boy. We stay in our marriage because we genuinely love each other and want to get past our issues. My son got into a fight a few days ago. A guy showed up to our house and started hitting him. We broke up the fight and asked what was going on. The guy, early 20s, told us our son stole his 19 year old fiancee. He said that our son knew she was in a relationship but did not care. The guy said he convinced the fiancee to forget about him, telling her that he was clearly better looking and better in bed otherwise she wouldn't keep running to him. Our son did tell us he had a new girlfriend and I'm now realizing this is how he got her. We lectured our son, calling him a homewrecker and irresponsible. We told him only wh*res do stuff like this.

My son stood up and repeated a text message I sent to someone months ago. He said "Are you sure you wanna bring me around your friends, what if someone tells your wife?" He looked at me. "Yeah, remember that text you sent to your married coworker? I watched you type it and hit send." Then he turned to his dad and said "Remember when I was like 8 and I yelled ew to mom because I thought she left her panties in the bathroom. Then mom started yelling at you and you guys argued and fought. When I was around 12 I looked back at that and realized y'all were fighting because those weren't hers. Neither of you can lecture me without sounding like hypocrites. It's not like I'm 15, my choices are mines as long as it's not illegal, yeah?" We did not say anything else to him but when we got to our rooms, we talked about what he said. I told my husband we should go to couples counseling and he agreed. He told me that we should also work on our intimacy issue because our bedroom has been dead. We talked about the steps we need to take to better our relationship. but we dont know what to do with our son. It just hurts us both that our son is fine with having no self respect.