First off, thank you so so so much to everyone here who offered me support, advice, love, etc. after my loss yesterday. While I was/am devastated, and was even more worried about what’s going on inside me, I think my husband is taking it worse emotionally, and it was very helpful to read him out loud the support I was getting from you guys. I seriously don’t know how I would be getting through this without this group.

When my clinic called this morning and said my doctor’s next appointment isn’t for another week, I pretty much refused that answer saying I needed to find a way to talk to her because if it’s an option to move straight into a transfer again, I wanted to do that. Sure enough, they got in touch with her, and I just had a full half hour phone call with her. Sidenote, she seemed annoyed that they didn’t flag her when I had the low first beta, so that annoys me that they didn’t give her those results. Also the nurses told me to stop all meds without consulting her, and she said it’s not good to stop steroids like that and is having me wean off instead.

Basically, we are both in agreement that it is probably related to my immune system. Although she said 30% of PGS normal embryos just don’t work, we’ve always thought since the beginning that it was immune system related, even though my only blood marker was a very high positive anti-nuclear antibodies. (Actually the reason I got the repeated loss panel before I started at this clinic was because I felt like it was implantation related as I only had chemicals in the beginning of trying.). I’ve also had a lot of issues in my uterus, specifically in the past six months, but after I described to her how my hpts Started showing positives at six days post transfer and then kept getting darker the next five days in a row, she feels confident that the problem was not my uterus itself, and instead the the reaction to the embryo. So I guess I’m really glad I tested every day, because to her it made a difference that it went that trajectory versus just seeing my beta number. I was on an auto immune protocol with steroids and blood thinners, and I was going to ask her if we should be upping it or adding the Intralipid or doing more testing. I also told her that I knew I wanted to try another transfer before attempting a retrieval, even though I only have two embryos left and I would love two kids.

Right off the bat she said I’m ready to start right away, I don’t have to take a month off, and she would absolutely do another transfer before thinking about retrieval, and the plan is to double my dose of steroids, add Intralipid infusions, and add vaginal progesterone in addition to the shots. She said she doesn’t want to bother with any bloodwork because it’s not always conclusive, and it doesn’t make sense to do a uterine biopsy just for autoimmune, because I already had all of the other ones and it wouldn’t change her protocol. So she is just going to treat me as though I have the worst of all the autoimmune stuff, and even though it may or may not be overkill, we are both in agreement that it’s worth trying.

So I feel a lot better. I’m sure I’ll still experience some grief in the coming days, but I love that I’m able to jump right back in again, and hopefully I won’t have to think about these things again.

Thanks again ladies, I will be keeping you posted, and hopefully my period starts in the next few days!