Do you ever feel like you're the ugliest person?

I'm really insecure about how I look. I know im not ugly. I'm probably normal looking. It started in middle school. I avoided looking in a mirror because I was disgusted with myself. I had a lot of acne into my teenage years and I was a little chubby. In college, I slimmed down and my acne settled down. I started looking in the mirror more. I felt more confident. I started getting compliments that I was pretty. I went on a few dates with attractive people. I still felt ugly tho. But the past few years, I haven't been taking care of my appearance. I dont wear make up. I dont go the gym so I gained some weight but I was able to loose some so now I'm just chubby again. How can I love myself if I just tell myself I'm the ugliest person? I believe I'm a nice person and I really think about other people's feelings and I'm selfless person and I wanna focus on loving that than just on my physical appearance. How can I not feel like that about myself that I'm ugly. I don't even wear make up anymore (literally only ever just eye liner, mascara, amd brows). I want to buy make up and get into it but im like what's the point. I'd still be ugly. I'll just look like an ugly fool. I'm crazy right? Am I really a pretty fool? Am I just goddamn delusional? I guess why I tell myself that I'm ugly well when I was younger it used to be because i didnt get much dates or attention even in college. But now its more because I disgusts myself if I start to, as Beyonce puts it, "feeling myself". Why am I so messed up? My insecurity affected my life so much, im just a bore, idk how to socialize, and i dont have much friends