i think i’m falling out of love..

i’ve been with my boyfriend for over a year and a half now. we started as long distance and just after 2 months i moved in with him because my living situation wasn’t the best and because we wanted to be together all the time. it was so great at first.. like i would look at him and tear up because i loved him so much. i couldn’t stay mad at him. everything about him was perfect, even his weirdest grossest moments. we used to get dressed up and go out on dates or go on adventures. he was the guy i had been waiting for. both of our families had told us “you guys are meant to be together” and that we were “made for each other”. about 6 months in, i had a terrible gut feeling something was off but i brushed it off and thought it was just my insecurities from the past creeping in. time passed and i still couldn’t shake it. one night, he got a message late at night and i found it odd so i peeped his screen and it said he had a snap notification but it didn’t say who from. he had turned off the notification previews so it wouldn’t show details when his phone off. i had his password so as bad as it is, i went through it while he was sleeping and my gut was right. he was talking to several other girls and flirting with them (it was bad but i don’t wanna relive it again by going into detail), i woke him up and told him i was leaving in the morning so the morning after i went and stayed with my dad for a couple days. after days away from him and him BEGGING me to come back saying how bad he screwed up and how he never meant to hurt me blah blah blah, i decided i’d give him another chance. i moved my whole life for him. an hour and a half away from my friends and family, i quit my job and found a new one where we were living. i didn’t wanna just give everything up so i stayed and things got better. in april, i found out i was pregnant and not gonna lie i contemplated whether i could raise a child with him at the moment even though things were better. 9 months later, i gave birth to our son and things were better than they had ever been for about a month. we were being so much nicer to each other, communicating better, he was really supportive while i was recovering, etc. then things got rough again, he went back to work and i started to feel really alone and like i’m raising our son by myself. he leaves at 5 am and doesn’t get back till about 7 pm so it’s stressful on me. anyway, i think i still hold a lot of resentment towards him for what he did to me. we could be watching a show and the topic of cheating comes up and i can’t even look at the tv or him, i have to zone it out. idk if it’s bc of sleep deprivation or what but a lot of stuff he does now tends to annoy me. we aren’t as affectionate towards each other anymore and part of that is bc of having a newborn but he doesn’t try to cuddle w me or kiss me. we bicker a lot. he’ll ask me to rub him and say “i worked all day” and it just irritates me. he’s gotten better about leaving his phone around like i asked him to do so i could gain trust back but part of me just feels like nothing he does will ever make me trust him again and i’ll always wonder if there was more to it than just the flirty messages but he knows if there was that i’d leave and take our son so he’ll never admit to anything. idk how it came up but a cpl nights ago he said something about “i wouldn’t do anything because i know if i did i’d lose you and my son” and i wanna believe it i really do but i just can’t get over what he did to me.