Hi ladies, I know this isn’t a super active group on here, which is a real bummer considering it would be a nice break from all the drama and trash that usually gets posted in this app lol

Anyway I had this cool experience lately and it was pretty God oriented so I thought I’d share it here where the people that see it will be more likely to understand. So anyway my husband and I have been try for almost 4 years now, we’ve got unexplained infertility issues, like for real my numbers are stellar and I’m pretty freaking regular and my husbands numbers made me realize it’s an act of God that I’m NOT pregnant! 😁 anyway as any of you know when life is kicking you in the face it’s really hard to keep going faith-wise and going on trusting Him sometimes, regardless of the trial you may be experiencing. In my case it’s that I’ve wanted to be a mom since I was little and now I’m 32 still working on it. So we’ve had moments on this journey where I would ask my husband while bawling if we could just stop for awhile, my faith had become so weak and that was always something that had come fairly easy for me. My whole life has been a cycle of me getting excited and just chomping at the bit for my next bit of progression spiritually, but Heavenly Father always tells me to wait.

Anyway so earlier this year we were on a break from ttc because it had gotten to be too much and we were far from happy. Well we decided to watch this movie I had somehow inherited from my grandma who died a couple of years ago called Facing Giants, it’s a Christian movie apparently and it has a football like theme. My husband likes sports so I thought why not pop it in. It’s insanely corny but this coach and his wife are struggling to get pregnant. At one point he asks her if they were to never get pregnant would she still love God? She says she would. Awhile later she goes to the dr only to find out she’s not pregnant and she goes out to her car and is crying but looks up and tells God she still loves Him. It really hit home and we felt like we needed to try again. So I’ve been trying to love God still with every failed month.

We genuinely both feel like it’s all His timing because there isn’t anything wrong with us. But anyway Monday this weeks I just woke up sad because after this long I just kind of KNOW when it for sure isn’t going to work. This is what I call being pre-sad.I cried on Monday a lot, by Tuesday I felt like I really needed to look at how good my life is and all that God has ALREADY blessed me with. Then I just HAD to pray and thank Him for it all. By Thursday my period started and it was one of those where you just feel so tired and crappy all day... but I had this strange sense of calm and peace. By the end of the day I realized not only did I love Him still, I believe and TRUST Him still. I felt it soul-deep. Now it’s Friday and I am not only happy but I feel joy which sounds bizarre but it’s true. I had to choose Him and reach for Him (which I have been terrible about) and He really does reach back.

Not being able to have a baby in this church can suck and make you feel “less than” but I want you all to know that you are NOT less no matter what. You are important and God loves us and Christ is ready to take on any pain we experience.

I’m not molly Mormon so this isn’t like a typical “Mormon fairytale awakening” moment, this was a huge thing for me and I just wanted to share this with other ladies who might have feelings like I have/had.

Anyway if you made it this far, thanks for reading. I just had to tell someone and I know a lot of people are struggling right now with many things. I want to I guess bare a digital testimony and share in case someone needed a reminder or a boost... or something.

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