I took medication for my bipolar depression before and found it helped but stopped when I got pregnant at the advice of my psychiatrist. I felt fine during pregnancy and immediately following postpartum. I have yet to go back on my meds and my son is almost 9 months. Is it common for PPD to appear this late?

I've always been a pretty irritable person and postpartum I feel has heightened that and I hate it. I still talk to my therapist twice a month on the phone but the past couple of weeks I've just been losing my shit. Im so annoyed with everything and really short with people and i have debilitating anxiety about myself. I cry all the time and I feel like my fiance and son deserve so much better than me. I do my best but feel like it's never good enough. Like everyone is judging me even though I have no proof. I feel like I cant keep house well enough, I can't exercise enough, I'm not skinny enough or pretty enough or smart enough or funny enough. I couldnt stop my baby from crying the other night and I yelled at him and felt awful. I snap at my fiance constantly and just feel so bad that I do but I literally can't help it.

I hate that I'm like this and I try so hard to be different and put on a smile and be who I want to be, but its so difficult. Im so tired of being anger with myself and crying. I love my son more than anything in this world and he deserves a mom who can show him what happy looks like.