UPDATE: some of you have pointed out that he could've cheated or lied about his medical history and thats why he doesn't want me to get examined. I am going to ask my doctor for an STD test when I go, just to make sure. I pray to God that I'm healthy.

Basically, me and my bf have had tons of issues and we almost broke up over them. Most of them stem from his insecurity and controlling behavior. Of course I enabled some of it because I can be a pushover and struggle with making boundaries due to my abusive childhood. I'm working on being better, but I feel like he's not working on himself.

I told him we are either breaking up or going to therapy to fix our issues, because at this point it's not healthy for either of us to keep dating. He doesn't want to go. He thinks we can solve things ourselves (we can't, I've been trying for over a year). During that time, I did all the emotional work and support, with little reciprocation from him. Since a relationship takes two people, none of our issues got solved (guess which one of us was doing all the work), which lead to now.

He is uncomfortable with the therapist, I'm guessing because of the stigma and the possibility that he doesn't want to take accountability for his actions. He said it won't be worth it, I said, "let's at least try it out and see what happens".

In fact (and this may look familiar if you have read my other posts, just because I don't know who else to turn to so I've been posting a lot here), he told me if he has to respect my decision to go to a male gyno, then I have to respect his decision to not go to couples therapy with me.

Those aren't the same to me, but he's just using it as an attempt to get his way. He doesn't want me to get the exam (had me lie for years about my sexual activity just to avoid the exam, even though my doc at the time was female). Now I'm 21 and I get the exam regardless, which he doesn't like, and especially now because I have a male doc. He even went online and told me he found an article that said I don't need the exam if I just want birth control, and that I don't need an exam at all if I'm not sexually active no matter the age (meaning I should just keep lying to cater to his insecurity). Problem is, that article is false and definitely shouldn't have been published. I even read it myself and I was baffled.

So, since he's so insecure about a doctor doing their job, hes upset that I'm going. And now he says that if he has to respect my decisions at the gyno, then I have to respect his for couples therapy.

I mean fair enough, I can't force him to do anything. I told him we'd break up if he doesn't go with me though, because at this point he clearly doesn't want to change his toxic behavior and I've been doing all the work for long enough. Theres way more than just conflicts over the gyno of course, so therapy is not unreasonable in my opinion.

Am I wrong for giving him this ultimatum? I don't really like ultimatums but I feel it's necessary. Any responses would be awesome, and thank you!